so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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