Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
