Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
