The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
