Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
