He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
