dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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