dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
