Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
