Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
