toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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