you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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