oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
