Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
