uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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