I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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