Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
