I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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