walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He? As in you personified your dick?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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