Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
