is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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