Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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