You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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