Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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