the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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