my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
