doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
