i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
