He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize