Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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