hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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