She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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