You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
