I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
