So drunk its hurt
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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