just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
