I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
