They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
