True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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