ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Randomize
