It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
