It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
