I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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