Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
