Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize