My friends, they love my intelligence
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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