remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Randomize
