On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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