Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize