we have pet lesbian snakes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
