Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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