these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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