so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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