i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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