mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
