I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
