found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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