You're my little dorito
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
