apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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