I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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