a queef is a wish your heart makes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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