What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
