My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
