I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i came on her dog
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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