I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
