i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
