If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
