You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
