Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
