can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
