I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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