The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
