Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
