I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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