Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
