She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
