Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am available for nakedness
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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