the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
