how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
