the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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