Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
