Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
