Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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