Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
drinking out of a sandbucket again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I party with great urgency now.
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