In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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