That's when you crack a 10am beer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
