I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
