You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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