Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize