I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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