Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
