never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize