so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
