oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
should my penis look like a turkey
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
