she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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