it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
