I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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