I'm really into asian looking animals
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
