I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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