I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
