Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
