And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
