Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
