i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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