So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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