and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
